Why Resolutions Are Out of Style (and Why I Still Do Them)
If you go and ask your family, friends, or neighbors whether they’ve got any resolutions this year, I am willing to bet you a quarter they will say some version of “hell no.” The vast majority of my inner and outer circle has agreed there is no use for resolutions anymore. “I gave those up years ago,” said one fifty-year old woman at Mass Eye and Ear. When I asked her “why” she blinked at me and said, “they set me up for failure.”
I remember when New Year’s Resolutions (NYRs) were the go-to conversation this time of year. People were professing to workout more, read more, sleep more, do this-worthwhile-thing-to-improve-their-lives more. But now when I ask about them, I get a chuckle, a head shake, or a Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson raised eye brow, “…Do you?”
It’s clear. Resolutions are out. Self-care is in.
It’s not that we make mistakes, it’s how we laugh at them. Image by @estudiobloom
Our mistake-making, break-needing, nap-taking selves are beautiful! This pandemic-inspired epiphany is a seismic shift away from capitalist efficiency and towards humanist tranquility.
Along with “The Great Resignation,” and dropping things that didn’t serve us, we also collectively decided that the painful “failure” New Year’s Resolutions made us feel was a recurring shame we no longer needed. While Self-Care says “accept yourself,” New Year’s Resolutions say “fix yourself.” But the feeling of failure doesn’t come from New Year’s Resolutions, it comes from the shapeless goal-setting technique we’ve been half-heartedly taught.
There is so much gusto at the start of the year — we change wall calendars, colorful planners, and newly write “2022” on documents (after crossing out “2021” a dozen times) to overall, start anew! It is a shame to confuse the bitter taste of poor goal-setting with the fizzy, pivotal energy of Resolutions!
There are three issues with New Year’s Resolutions that we can adjust so they can be relevant and helpful!
The first issue is: The “year” timeline is way too long to be valuable. Shorten that gosh darn resolution to be completed in 1-3 months. That way, you’ll still get your sparkly, new resolution done within the year. (If someone had an essay due at the end of the month but instead got it done in two weeks, we wouldn’t critique them — we’d celebrate them!) Mark that goal down for March on your brand-spanking new calendar.
The second issue is: We are all too often doing it alone. Include a cutie in it. Do you know how honored I would be if you said, “Deby, I want to do insert joyful accomplishment here in one month. Can you check in on me in two weeks?” I would feel like a golden daisy! And yes! I’d love to help! So include someone (cute) in your goal, they will most likely be delighted to help.
The third issue is: That goal is un-trackable or boring. We need a more memorable, worthwhile reward to commemorate the accomplishment! It’s great to want to “run more,” but how will you be motivated to run weekly and see your progress? How about a timed mile with a friend? Or a local 5k? This is done beautifully by the astonishing Michelle Khare, a Dartmouth ‘14 YouTube phenomenon who created a viral series called “Challenge Accepted.” Khare emphasizes the importance of the accomplishment being something that you can’t wiggle out of because others are counting on you to do it.
For example, my goal is to improve my Spanish. But that is un-trackable. Using Khare’s advice, I’ll hold myself accountable by committing to host a free YouTube Live Spanish yoga class in one month!
That’s right. Tune in Sunday 2/06/2022 at 9am EST for a Spanish Yoga Class @buffhussy on YouTube!
By the way, I recorded myself teaching 5 minutes of a Spanish yoga class and it was awful, stuttering, and had a lot of English. That initial video is my “before” snapshot (which is also a Khare tip!) to track your progress. You can do a video of anything - running, drums, push-ups. And with your commitment, looking back on it will be astonishing. My exciting, never-before done class is attainable, yet nerve-racking enough to propel me to practice my Spanish every day — and that habit formation is the real triumph.
Me teaching a yoga class in English. No idea yet how to say “skandasana” or “lateral” or “lunge” in Spanish. But I’ll know soon. 😅 Photo by Déborah Rubin
An intangible loss of the pandemic were the numerous career goals, artistic aspirations, and international trips that were washed away with not even an IOU. These losses may have sneakily installed learned helplessness into our dreams and goals. I encourage you to not let the unimaginable events of the past prevent you from engaging in the ritual of resolutions. For any goal there is a certain amount of reflection that is required to see it to its end, and that time for reflection is perhaps the most valuable benefit and intangible self-care you could take.
If this resonates with you and you want to make a NYR or MYR (Mid Year’s Resolution), reach out to me, or look at Michelle Khare’s website, or study someone you admire that is doing what you want to do and get inspired. You got this! Whether you like it or not, you grow every year. It’s worthwhile to make your growth intentional, joyful, and ritual. 🎉
*Article amended: Original date for Spanish Yoga Class was listed for 2/26/2022 and was moved earlier per Michelle Khare’s suggestion as part of Challenge Accepted